Spent most of the day feeling sleepy (post morning activities - see below). It was good though, the sun was shining and all. Wanted to go shopping but couldnt be bothered going out after its dark. Hibernation mode is already on. hehe.
So ended up raiding the fridge for food. Managed to stay away from the ice cream Boy bought last night. woo hoo!
Sister and her hubby went to Japan a couple of days ago - and they havent sms-ed since they got there. Either their phones are not roaming or they are having too much fun. Lets hope its the latter.
That also means I am home-alone. hehe. Love this feeling. Cant wait till I have my own place. tee hee!
Oh, hassled bro to get me a couple of handbags. Bro said yes. GOD bless him. I have the best bro in the world. *hugs
Thursday, July 31, 2008
The doctors
I have just been to the doctors. No, I am not sick or anything, oh well, not in the sense that I am strapped to my bed and unable to do anything.
Anyway, I didnt make an appointment, although I really should. I had to sign and drop off some documents so I thought I might as well dropped by the doctors. I have little inflamation on my arm, I might just get that checked. To ensure that I am not dying or anything. hehe. I still want to live, you know.
So I walked into the waiting area and told the receptionist that I would like to see a doctor. She asked if I have made an appointment. Answer is no (obviously). So she asked if this was urgent for today.
Of course it was urgent for today - duh... isnt that obviously the case since I am physically there wanting to see a doctor.
The waiting period wasnt that long - I swear I had made appointments before and was forced to wait for much longer. Got to see my doctor, showed him my upper arm, answered his questions, etc.
It turned out that he couldnt work out what was wrong with me, and he couldnt work out what caused the inflamation. He sent me with a prescription, said that it should be clear within a week (otherwise come back and see him) and off I went.
Dont you just love it when doctors couldnt even work out whats wrong with you. I am beginning to realise that as much as the medical profession would love to have an answer to everything, it doesnt, and subsequently we just have to live with that.
One thing he said that is still on my mind is whether I have eaten anything that might have caused this inflamation. I guess I should be watching my diet closely.
Boy came in last night with ice cream and I didnt want to eat it. Thanks for the gesture dear, and as much I love rum n raisin, I think I better hold off desserts for a while.
Anyway, I didnt make an appointment, although I really should. I had to sign and drop off some documents so I thought I might as well dropped by the doctors. I have little inflamation on my arm, I might just get that checked. To ensure that I am not dying or anything. hehe. I still want to live, you know.
So I walked into the waiting area and told the receptionist that I would like to see a doctor. She asked if I have made an appointment. Answer is no (obviously). So she asked if this was urgent for today.
Of course it was urgent for today - duh... isnt that obviously the case since I am physically there wanting to see a doctor.
The waiting period wasnt that long - I swear I had made appointments before and was forced to wait for much longer. Got to see my doctor, showed him my upper arm, answered his questions, etc.
It turned out that he couldnt work out what was wrong with me, and he couldnt work out what caused the inflamation. He sent me with a prescription, said that it should be clear within a week (otherwise come back and see him) and off I went.
Dont you just love it when doctors couldnt even work out whats wrong with you. I am beginning to realise that as much as the medical profession would love to have an answer to everything, it doesnt, and subsequently we just have to live with that.
One thing he said that is still on my mind is whether I have eaten anything that might have caused this inflamation. I guess I should be watching my diet closely.
Boy came in last night with ice cream and I didnt want to eat it. Thanks for the gesture dear, and as much I love rum n raisin, I think I better hold off desserts for a while.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
One's life
I do not understand. And I am not quite too sure how to describe the issue.
If one is living one's life, then presumably one is responsible for one's actions and decisions. And since one is living one's life, then really, the person making all the decisions and doing all the actions should be oneself. So one should be the one making all the decisions and doing all the actions.
If one's decision concerns oneself and only oneself, how can it be that that decision ends up hurting the people around one's life - especially since it does not concern them whatsoever. Why do people get hurt over a decision that someone they love make when that decision does not concern them whatsoever.
I just dont understand how they can be hurt, or how they can have the right to feel hurt, when the decision has got nothing to do with their lives.
Because, quite frankly, I dont see that act of getting hurt over someone's decision that does not concern you whatsoever as an act of love.
Having said that, should there be a line between doing what we think is the best for ourselves even when it hurts the ones that we love/love us the most (especially when you happen to think that they should not feel hurt nor have the right to feel hurt).
If one is living one's life, then presumably one is responsible for one's actions and decisions. And since one is living one's life, then really, the person making all the decisions and doing all the actions should be oneself. So one should be the one making all the decisions and doing all the actions.
If one's decision concerns oneself and only oneself, how can it be that that decision ends up hurting the people around one's life - especially since it does not concern them whatsoever. Why do people get hurt over a decision that someone they love make when that decision does not concern them whatsoever.
I just dont understand how they can be hurt, or how they can have the right to feel hurt, when the decision has got nothing to do with their lives.
Because, quite frankly, I dont see that act of getting hurt over someone's decision that does not concern you whatsoever as an act of love.
Having said that, should there be a line between doing what we think is the best for ourselves even when it hurts the ones that we love/love us the most (especially when you happen to think that they should not feel hurt nor have the right to feel hurt).
Monday, July 28, 2008
Insomnia - I can get no sleep
I dont really like myself these days. In some ways I have returned to the bad-habits during-doctorate era. The sleeping at 3am in the morning and the waking up at 7am, 8 the latest is the one that is bugging me the most. I have never put a lot of emphasis on sleep over the years, blame those high school years of chatting on the net until 4am and then getting up at 7am to go to school. It is a wonder that I managed to complete high school with those scores. And then the dreaded phrase: >>it could have been better<<
Then I feel absolutely shitty. The things that I did versus those that I could have done and I should have done and did not do. My one way ticket towards this thing we call unnecessary guilt trip - courtesy of myself, for myself. bleh.
Except that these days its not so much that I am doing anything useful, I just cannot sleep on most nights and end up falling asleep at about 3am and then waking up at 7 because I just cannot sleep anymore.
I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate not being able to sleep. Because I am so fucking tired and I just want to sleep.
Then I feel absolutely shitty. The things that I did versus those that I could have done and I should have done and did not do. My one way ticket towards this thing we call unnecessary guilt trip - courtesy of myself, for myself. bleh.
Except that these days its not so much that I am doing anything useful, I just cannot sleep on most nights and end up falling asleep at about 3am and then waking up at 7 because I just cannot sleep anymore.
I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate not being able to sleep. Because I am so fucking tired and I just want to sleep.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
What living is all about
We are all human beings, strong because we are living and vulnerable at the same time because we have a tendency to forget what living is all about. At times we forget what it means to have our health, to be able to wake up in the morning without pain, without a chronic illness, without monetary worries - among other things. We make do and we manage to save for the future, while balancing that act with enough enjoyment to keep ourselves sane. We may never know what tomorrow will bring; whatever it is, I know its going to be alright. When I was doing my doctorate, I did not have the slightest idea that I was going to have a book deal by the end of it - and I did. We have so much blessings in our lives, lets start counting them.
And its ok to be tired of life, to be bored with life and anything else along those lines. Its ok to feel down, really. Just dont spend too much time on it. Life has too much things in store for us. All we have to do is ask.
And its ok to be tired of life, to be bored with life and anything else along those lines. Its ok to feel down, really. Just dont spend too much time on it. Life has too much things in store for us. All we have to do is ask.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
On the Sadness of Higher Education
By ALAN CHARLES KORS
May 27, 2008
Mr. Kors is a professor of history at the University of Pennsylvania.
Article can be accessed from here
Academics, in their own minds, face an almost insoluble problem of time. How, in only four years, can they disabuse students of the notion that the capital, risk, productivity and military sacrifice of others have contributed to human dignity and to the prospects of a decent society? How can they make them understand, with only four years to do so, that capitalism and individual- ism have created cultures that are cruel, inefficient, racist, sexist and homophobic, with oppressive caste systems, mental and behavioral? How, in such a brief period, can they enlighten "minorities," including women (the majority of students), about the "internalization" of their oppression (today's equivalent of false consciousness)? How, in only eight semesters, might they use the classroom, curriculum and university in loco parentis to create a radical leadership among what they see as the victim groups of our society, and to make the heirs of successful families uneasy in the moral right of their possessions and opportunities? Given those constraints, why in the world should they complicate their awesome task by hiring anyone who disagrees with them?
...
May 27, 2008
Mr. Kors is a professor of history at the University of Pennsylvania.
Article can be accessed from here
Academics, in their own minds, face an almost insoluble problem of time. How, in only four years, can they disabuse students of the notion that the capital, risk, productivity and military sacrifice of others have contributed to human dignity and to the prospects of a decent society? How can they make them understand, with only four years to do so, that capitalism and individual- ism have created cultures that are cruel, inefficient, racist, sexist and homophobic, with oppressive caste systems, mental and behavioral? How, in such a brief period, can they enlighten "minorities," including women (the majority of students), about the "internalization" of their oppression (today's equivalent of false consciousness)? How, in only eight semesters, might they use the classroom, curriculum and university in loco parentis to create a radical leadership among what they see as the victim groups of our society, and to make the heirs of successful families uneasy in the moral right of their possessions and opportunities? Given those constraints, why in the world should they complicate their awesome task by hiring anyone who disagrees with them?
...
The power of universities comes from their monopoly of credentials. As Richard Vedder so deeply understands in his "Going Broke by Degree," they are the only institutions allowed to separate young individuals by IQ and by the ability to complete complex tasks. They do not add value to that, except in technical fields. Recruiters do not pay premiums because of what the Ivy League or the flagship state universities teach in English, history, political science, or sociology. They hire there despite, not because of, that. Recruiters do not pay premiums because our children have been sent to multicultural centers for sensitivity training. Recruiters pay premiums for the value already there, which universities merely identify. So long as recruiters pay premiums, however, it is rational for parents who wish to gain the most options for their children to send them to the university with the most prestigious degree. That will not change in the current scheme.
We now have closed-shop, massively subsidized, intolerant political fiefdoms, and they are the gatekeepers of society's rewards. Without incentives for different models of higher education, we shall have this same system of colleges and universities as far as the mind can foresee. The tax-free mega-endowments will grow. The legislators and the public will not end the subsidy. The alumni will continue their bequests. The trustees will proudly attend the administrative dog-and-pony shows, the most efficient act on any campus. Well-intentioned donors will support ghettoized "centers" (without faculty lines, cross-listed courses, graduate fellowships, or degrees) that marginalize inquiries that should be central to the academy. These provide protective coloration for administrators, help with fund raising in certain quarters, and permit a transfer of funds to the accelerating thirst for ever new forms of regnant campus orthodoxies. Until civil society makes administrators pay a price for the politicized hiring, curriculum and student life offices they administer, nothing truly will be reformed.
In my fantasies, I try to imagine a way to force these academic enterprises to engage in the truth in advertising they claim to value. Let colleges and universities have the courage, if they truly believe what they say privately to themselves and to me, to put it on page one of their catalogues, fundraising letters and appeals to the state assembly: "This University believes that your sons and daughters are the racist, sexist, homophobic, Eurocentric progeny or victims of an oppressive society from which most of them receive unjust privilege. In return for tuition and massive taxpayer subsidy, we shall assign rights on a compensatory basis and undertake by coercion their moral and political enlightenment." It won't happen.
One still can protect a few individuals and keep a hint of pluralism alive by means of honest exposure, shame and ridicule, but this is work—vital and moral, and an end in itself—that affects only the margins. The sad bottom line is that there are no incentives for administrators to offer a different product, such as a niche of high-quality education, equal treatment, liberty and merit. Parents invest understandably in the value of degrees, not in the quality of curriculum and faculty.
A model of higher education that offered a prestigious degree, high admissions standards, a superb and rigorous education, a faculty that was truly and usefully intellectually pluralistic, and a climate of individual rights and responsibilities (joined with rights of voluntary association) would, I believe, sweep the field. No one can afford to build a great university to offer that model, however. For obvious structural and institutional reasons, no one is going to "seize" a major university for such an experiment, though the vision of what could be accomplished by one great alternate model is mesmerizing. Until then, we only can work to protect the innocent, expose what the media are willing to expose, and await a generational shift in administrators and the professoriate. Such a shift, alas, not only is not on the horizon, but also recedes ever further from view given the bigotry against intellectual difference and pluralism, the incentives for conformity, the disincentives for courage and independence of mind, and the willingness, indeed eagerness, of society to subsidize those who have contempt for the very culture and values that make both that subsidy and that tolerance of derision and condescension possible.
The academic world that I entered is gone. I teach for my students, whom I love, and I fight for intellectual pluralism, for legal equality and for fairness simply because it is my duty to bear witness to the values I cherish, with no expectation of success.
What makes you value something
Whenever I go to a book store, or come across an interesting book, my natural reaction would be to go home and read the review (easily found thanks to Googling). I use this exercise as a filter as to whether a book is worth reading or not. Of course, this is not always fool-proof because the merits of a book is contingent upon (among other things) whether you would like to attain further information about a particular topic or would like to be exposed to whatever it is the book is presenting. Having said that, if the reviewer is someone who is considered an expert (a credible one) in the area, then I would be more willing to listen to his/her point of view. This is out of respect of the hard work he/she has done in attaining that expert status.
I hate writing reviews in general. Any kind of review I write is more likely to be my after-thoughts about a particular topic. I dont mind recommending certain books if I know that the book is suitable for the purposes of the potential reader.
By my bedside, there are three books waiting for me to read them.
Two of them have been recommended to me. Another I picked up at a book sale that cost me $5 (believe it or not) and I have learned so much from it I find that it is worth every cent.
And confession time - I did not read the review prior to purchasing this book. And if the price tag is any indication as to the quality of a book, then I guess I must have scored quite a bargain. This is perhaps the cheapest book I have ever bought to date, and the one with one of the most relevant content I have ever read.
My point? Sometimes price is not a good indication of quality. Whether you value something or not is contingent whether that thing is suitable/useful for you.
I hate writing reviews in general. Any kind of review I write is more likely to be my after-thoughts about a particular topic. I dont mind recommending certain books if I know that the book is suitable for the purposes of the potential reader.
By my bedside, there are three books waiting for me to read them.
Two of them have been recommended to me. Another I picked up at a book sale that cost me $5 (believe it or not) and I have learned so much from it I find that it is worth every cent.
And confession time - I did not read the review prior to purchasing this book. And if the price tag is any indication as to the quality of a book, then I guess I must have scored quite a bargain. This is perhaps the cheapest book I have ever bought to date, and the one with one of the most relevant content I have ever read.
My point? Sometimes price is not a good indication of quality. Whether you value something or not is contingent whether that thing is suitable/useful for you.
Seriously overrated
When boy drove me home this afternoon, we were talking about the things that I wanted to write and have decided not to write. I know, its like I am editing my own topics these days - and perhaps it is necessary to exercise control over that you write and dont write. Just like in life we may be capable of doing a lot of things that we choose not to do. Its called exercising choice, and being responsible for one's actions or lack thereof. Or maybe Im just not in the mood to be controversial these days. Although having said that, the things that are considered controversial in my life is seriously overrated.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Download, plagiarise and grow wise
This is sad but true. Taken off the SMH website.
Chris Henning
July 25, 2008
Scene: A student tavern. Once upon a time this was a snug bar where young men and women would discuss the latest intellectual fashion, avoid work, get drunk and chat each other up. Thank heavens these have all now been sold to developers and turned into blocks of small flats.
Tania: Hey, Judd, want a drink? My shout.
Today's student tavern is more practical and efficient. Built cheaply, of reinforced concrete and lit by fluorescent tubes, it offers modest comfort: laminex-topped tables and orange stackable chairs. The plain concrete floor is stained but otherwise hygienic. High on one grey wall there is a narrow window, offering a view of a street light. Enter a group of students.
Judd (Looks at watch): I suppose I've got time. Beetroot and pineapple please. With wheatgrass.
Tania: Cool. (She feeds coins into a slot machine, and presses a button.)
Machine: Whir! Click! Pfsshhh! Bong bung bing! Your beverage is ready.
Judd: Gosh I love uni. I know it sounds strange, but I feel I really understand this place.
Tania (feeds machine again): I know. I love the scholarship, the sense of tradition, tempered by a hint of youthful irreverence.
Machine: Whir! Click! Pfsshhh! Bong, bung, bing! Your beverage is ready.
Judd (sweeps Tania into his arms.): Oh, Tania.
Tania: Yes, Judd?
Judd (They both look out, starry-eyed): There is so much for us both to learn. (Other students gather round, as the orchestra strikes up. Tune: Gaudeamus Igitur.)
Students:
Let us all rejoice therefore
while we are still you-u-ung.
Let us all rejoice therefore
while we are still you-u-ung.
Make it quick, 'cause at
half past three
Our shift will start at KFC.
And if we're sacked our
lives go bung,
And if we're sacked our
lives go bung,
All coursework assi-ignments
We download and
plagiarise. (Repeat)
We've no time for
proper learning
'Cause it crowds out
money-earning
Which we must prioritise. (Repeat)
Half our class can't understand what the professor has said. (Repeat)
But they've all come from overseas
And they've all paid
big up-front fees.
So he shuts up so he'll get paid. (Repeat)
For the university
Near enough is good enough. (Repeat)
That's the message inculcated
From when we matriculated.
Keep your head down and grind out more guff. (Repeat)): "Let us all rejoice therefore."
(Tania and Judd remain, other students march out singing
Who do they think
they're ki-idding?
"Let us all rejoice therefore."
Who do they think
they're ki-idding?
Baby boomers, pull your
heads in.
This no longer is education.
It's more like force-feeding.
It's more like force-feeding.
Judd: (Still starry-eyed): Yes, there's so much to learn.
Tania: We just have to get through university. Then we can start learning it. (Curtain)
Chris Henning
July 25, 2008
Scene: A student tavern. Once upon a time this was a snug bar where young men and women would discuss the latest intellectual fashion, avoid work, get drunk and chat each other up. Thank heavens these have all now been sold to developers and turned into blocks of small flats.
Tania: Hey, Judd, want a drink? My shout.
Today's student tavern is more practical and efficient. Built cheaply, of reinforced concrete and lit by fluorescent tubes, it offers modest comfort: laminex-topped tables and orange stackable chairs. The plain concrete floor is stained but otherwise hygienic. High on one grey wall there is a narrow window, offering a view of a street light. Enter a group of students.
Judd (Looks at watch): I suppose I've got time. Beetroot and pineapple please. With wheatgrass.
Tania: Cool. (She feeds coins into a slot machine, and presses a button.)
Machine: Whir! Click! Pfsshhh! Bong bung bing! Your beverage is ready.
Judd: Gosh I love uni. I know it sounds strange, but I feel I really understand this place.
Tania (feeds machine again): I know. I love the scholarship, the sense of tradition, tempered by a hint of youthful irreverence.
Machine: Whir! Click! Pfsshhh! Bong, bung, bing! Your beverage is ready.
Judd (sweeps Tania into his arms.): Oh, Tania.
Tania: Yes, Judd?
Judd (They both look out, starry-eyed): There is so much for us both to learn. (Other students gather round, as the orchestra strikes up. Tune: Gaudeamus Igitur.)
Students:
Let us all rejoice therefore
while we are still you-u-ung.
Let us all rejoice therefore
while we are still you-u-ung.
Make it quick, 'cause at
half past three
Our shift will start at KFC.
And if we're sacked our
lives go bung,
And if we're sacked our
lives go bung,
All coursework assi-ignments
We download and
plagiarise. (Repeat)
We've no time for
proper learning
'Cause it crowds out
money-earning
Which we must prioritise. (Repeat)
Half our class can't understand what the professor has said. (Repeat)
But they've all come from overseas
And they've all paid
big up-front fees.
So he shuts up so he'll get paid. (Repeat)
For the university
Near enough is good enough. (Repeat)
That's the message inculcated
From when we matriculated.
Keep your head down and grind out more guff. (Repeat)): "Let us all rejoice therefore."
(Tania and Judd remain, other students march out singing
Who do they think
they're ki-idding?
"Let us all rejoice therefore."
Who do they think
they're ki-idding?
Baby boomers, pull your
heads in.
This no longer is education.
It's more like force-feeding.
It's more like force-feeding.
Judd: (Still starry-eyed): Yes, there's so much to learn.
Tania: We just have to get through university. Then we can start learning it. (Curtain)
Thursday, July 24, 2008
[Not] Growing up
Every so now and then, I think about not growing up. For some reason, I prefer to just be little kids. When you are a little kid, you have no worry - oh well, at least if you have parents who are concerned about your well being, you would have no worry whatsoever (or at least very little). I am fortunate in that I have a father who has been sheltering me for most of my life. It is a different story with my mother - everything is always different when it comes to her. One of the things that she used to "worry" me with was money. Till this day, she still worries about money. Dont ask me why that is the case, perhaps she is just a worrier - or at least thats how it seems to me. I used to worry about money because she used to influence me that way.
I am not sure if that worry was/is grounded - and I suspect it is not. My family has been blessed with more than enough, and throughout my working life, I have been blessed with more than enough. Perhaps this is a reaction of how I spent my childhood worrying about adult-things, I dont worry about a lot of things these last few years. I dont want little things to bother me and I want to concentrate on big things so that I can achieve something. I personally believe that worrying is a waste of time and reduces one's ability to be vigilant, flexible and efficient. Sure it is difficult to divorce our emotions from our day-to-day reactions, yet it is crucially imperative that we do so, otherwise our lives may end up being a snowball of unnecessarily dramatic occurrences.
As I grow up, I have one particular wish that has not been fulfilled: that my parents are more supportive. When I say supportive, I am referring to support at an emotional level. At times I find it difficult talking to them about certain topics. In fact, these days I find it difficult talking to my mother - because she just doesnt listen. I know this because I have had conversations with people who listen to me intently. I pointed this out to her the other day and predictably, she did not listen. And then I realised that I was fighting for a lost cause - and resorted to being silent. Silence, as they say, is golden. Now I can almost understand why that is.
Growing up opens your eyes to the things you would otherwise not notice let alone understand. It is good if somehow this makes you a better person, yet again, I was told that not everyone can be as strong and resilient - which is why I think some just refuse to grow up and face the world. So they run away from everything and they hide everywhere they can. If they cant find a good hiding place, they will create one. And who can blame them - growing up is painful as it shapes one's character and attitude, whose pain is amplified in magnitude by this thing called our emotions.
At times, I think in general parents dont realise the extent of influence they have on their children. Subconsciously, the children pick up on the vibes that their parents are giving out. Subsequently, I think parents should be more aware of the things that they do and not do so as to be able to ensure that their children know how to live life properly. Lessons about courage, bravery, morality and attitude, to name a few, is something that must be instilled from a very early age, and encouraged and nurtured. This is to enable the child to stand up for his/herself even when the world is against him/her - and you are not there to assist him/her. Or even if you are there, there is nothing you can do about it because this is not your battle to fight. It is your child's.
I cant help wanting not to grow up. Some would say that this is a result of an unhappy childhood - and I beg to differ. Because I think I am growing up as I am growing older. It is not so much that I am not growing up, rather it is about me not wanting to grow up. Yet despite the lack of will, I still grow up anyway because there is no other way to live life. And the child inside me is still there, not wanting to grow up.
I am not sure if that worry was/is grounded - and I suspect it is not. My family has been blessed with more than enough, and throughout my working life, I have been blessed with more than enough. Perhaps this is a reaction of how I spent my childhood worrying about adult-things, I dont worry about a lot of things these last few years. I dont want little things to bother me and I want to concentrate on big things so that I can achieve something. I personally believe that worrying is a waste of time and reduces one's ability to be vigilant, flexible and efficient. Sure it is difficult to divorce our emotions from our day-to-day reactions, yet it is crucially imperative that we do so, otherwise our lives may end up being a snowball of unnecessarily dramatic occurrences.
As I grow up, I have one particular wish that has not been fulfilled: that my parents are more supportive. When I say supportive, I am referring to support at an emotional level. At times I find it difficult talking to them about certain topics. In fact, these days I find it difficult talking to my mother - because she just doesnt listen. I know this because I have had conversations with people who listen to me intently. I pointed this out to her the other day and predictably, she did not listen. And then I realised that I was fighting for a lost cause - and resorted to being silent. Silence, as they say, is golden. Now I can almost understand why that is.
Growing up opens your eyes to the things you would otherwise not notice let alone understand. It is good if somehow this makes you a better person, yet again, I was told that not everyone can be as strong and resilient - which is why I think some just refuse to grow up and face the world. So they run away from everything and they hide everywhere they can. If they cant find a good hiding place, they will create one. And who can blame them - growing up is painful as it shapes one's character and attitude, whose pain is amplified in magnitude by this thing called our emotions.
At times, I think in general parents dont realise the extent of influence they have on their children. Subconsciously, the children pick up on the vibes that their parents are giving out. Subsequently, I think parents should be more aware of the things that they do and not do so as to be able to ensure that their children know how to live life properly. Lessons about courage, bravery, morality and attitude, to name a few, is something that must be instilled from a very early age, and encouraged and nurtured. This is to enable the child to stand up for his/herself even when the world is against him/her - and you are not there to assist him/her. Or even if you are there, there is nothing you can do about it because this is not your battle to fight. It is your child's.
I cant help wanting not to grow up. Some would say that this is a result of an unhappy childhood - and I beg to differ. Because I think I am growing up as I am growing older. It is not so much that I am not growing up, rather it is about me not wanting to grow up. Yet despite the lack of will, I still grow up anyway because there is no other way to live life. And the child inside me is still there, not wanting to grow up.
The chics are damn gorgeous looking
Last night I was talking to boy about err... (not about sex - sorry to spoil the fun) Asian boys and Asian girls. Well, perhaps thats not quite the right thing. Its like this - if you see Singaporean girls and compared them to Singaporean boys, then you would see that the Singaporean girls are the modern-city girls, sex and the city kind of gorgeous. While the boys - well, they look alike hum, boys. As in high school boys. And before the Singaporeans come and attack me on this point, let me just say that this observation is extended to all other SEA countries - Indonesia, Malaysia, Phillippines, Thailand, etc. Point is that the chics are damn gorgeous looking, and the boys fall short in comparison.
Adf and I were talking about this too the other day. (Without wanting to sound conceited,) we know that we are one of those modern city girls, opinionated, strong, independent, gorgeous, fashionable, stylist and everything else. The guys that are around us - hum, well, they can do with a bit of ... work. When I say that, I mean there are plenty of rooms for improvement.
I am not the first to say that I cannot stand conservative Asian guys who uphold double standards when it comes to themselves and their female counterparts. The guys themselves can smoke - but the females cant. Why. Because they are females. The guys can stay up late in some prostitution bars - but the females cant. Why. Because they are females. Their place is at home, waiting for their partners. Wait. I mean spouses. Females are not allowed to live with another male unless they are related by blood or they are married. Why. Because they are females.
So it seems, the Asian males prefer the Asian females (or any other females really, preferably of the same race) who truly embody the "traditional" type of stay at home mums rather than the independent career girl who is also juggling a family life. Of course not all Asian males are like this - we are just talking about the majority here. And this majority is based on my personal experience and observation, so feel free to disagree at any time.
As I said before, adf and I were talking about this - in the context of the role of women as per what the Bible says. I am not going to dispute the Bible or question its superiority; the view is that men is supposed to be the leader of the family, and women have supporting roles - the roles of supporting the males, who are supposed to love the women first.
My point is simple - I can be a leader if required and I can be a follower or supporter when required. I know that I am capable of playing both roles because I have been doing both in my life. I have been in charge of projects that are delivered on time and to perfection, and I have also been under the leadership of someone else when executing projects. And its not that I dont want to play the supporting role, it is more than I dont see the men as undergoing the thinking and determining the direction of our lives that are beneficial for both of us. More often than not (and again, this is based on my personal observation) the males would just think about themselves and what they want and exclude the what the women want. Whether this is deliberate or not is not the issue here. The issue is that, as a woman, I often think that this male (who is supposedly the male in my life) is not doing the best for both of us, and subsequently, I come across as challenging his authority, just because I have agendas that I would like to push. In the business world, its called proactivity - in a relationship with a traditional Asian male, its called rebellion.
Thus Asian males come across as control freaks - which is fine if you are someone with no agenda of your own. And they are easily intimidated by strong independent girls. The thing that annoys me the most is their attitude. Instead of rising up to the challenge and become better than the girls, they prefer the girls to "lower" themselves and put the males up on the pedestal. Or the males would become the follower and let the girls wear the pants in the relationships. This works well for some girls and obviously there are relationships in which this phenomenon is observed. And yes, I cannot stand this either.
I am a female and I dont want to wear the pants in my relationship. I am open to giving alternatives and suggestions and even to discuss these alternatives and I am fine to giving the man in my life the ultimate decision making function - so long as his decisions are well-informed. I am open to undertaking support function and giving the man in my life all the credits for every achievement that we have attained - so long as he is worth it.
Yet weak males - the ones who act like little kids and end up being mothered by their partners, those who do not want to rise up to the challenge and better themselves, those who cannot treat a woman right, those who think that they are GOD's gift without doing a single thing, those who are lazy and think that they are always right, those who uphold double standards, those who are possessive, selfish and a stinking attitude - fall into a single category called the losers.
Of course, this observation does not just pertain to Asian males - it falls into males in general. Every woman in this world wants to feel loved and special - and putting them down does not equal to doing so. Why would you want to be with someone who puts you down all the time - it is killing you slowly and surely. Everyone wants to be someone who supports them and understands them and accepts them the way they are.
In life we have many roles to play. While at times it is easy to think that these roles are independent of gender (given the feminism movement and globalisation in general) - at times, it is useful to step back and think about what we want in our lives and start pursuing those. Because really, it is no longer about right and wrong, it is about how you want your life to be.
Some Asian women want to be beautiful and they maintain themselves well and give off the modern-city girls vibe - and some (if not most) want a real man to take care of them. The definition of a real man can be different for each of them...
Adf and I were talking about this too the other day. (Without wanting to sound conceited,) we know that we are one of those modern city girls, opinionated, strong, independent, gorgeous, fashionable, stylist and everything else. The guys that are around us - hum, well, they can do with a bit of ... work. When I say that, I mean there are plenty of rooms for improvement.
I am not the first to say that I cannot stand conservative Asian guys who uphold double standards when it comes to themselves and their female counterparts. The guys themselves can smoke - but the females cant. Why. Because they are females. The guys can stay up late in some prostitution bars - but the females cant. Why. Because they are females. Their place is at home, waiting for their partners. Wait. I mean spouses. Females are not allowed to live with another male unless they are related by blood or they are married. Why. Because they are females.
So it seems, the Asian males prefer the Asian females (or any other females really, preferably of the same race) who truly embody the "traditional" type of stay at home mums rather than the independent career girl who is also juggling a family life. Of course not all Asian males are like this - we are just talking about the majority here. And this majority is based on my personal experience and observation, so feel free to disagree at any time.
As I said before, adf and I were talking about this - in the context of the role of women as per what the Bible says. I am not going to dispute the Bible or question its superiority; the view is that men is supposed to be the leader of the family, and women have supporting roles - the roles of supporting the males, who are supposed to love the women first.
My point is simple - I can be a leader if required and I can be a follower or supporter when required. I know that I am capable of playing both roles because I have been doing both in my life. I have been in charge of projects that are delivered on time and to perfection, and I have also been under the leadership of someone else when executing projects. And its not that I dont want to play the supporting role, it is more than I dont see the men as undergoing the thinking and determining the direction of our lives that are beneficial for both of us. More often than not (and again, this is based on my personal observation) the males would just think about themselves and what they want and exclude the what the women want. Whether this is deliberate or not is not the issue here. The issue is that, as a woman, I often think that this male (who is supposedly the male in my life) is not doing the best for both of us, and subsequently, I come across as challenging his authority, just because I have agendas that I would like to push. In the business world, its called proactivity - in a relationship with a traditional Asian male, its called rebellion.
Thus Asian males come across as control freaks - which is fine if you are someone with no agenda of your own. And they are easily intimidated by strong independent girls. The thing that annoys me the most is their attitude. Instead of rising up to the challenge and become better than the girls, they prefer the girls to "lower" themselves and put the males up on the pedestal. Or the males would become the follower and let the girls wear the pants in the relationships. This works well for some girls and obviously there are relationships in which this phenomenon is observed. And yes, I cannot stand this either.
I am a female and I dont want to wear the pants in my relationship. I am open to giving alternatives and suggestions and even to discuss these alternatives and I am fine to giving the man in my life the ultimate decision making function - so long as his decisions are well-informed. I am open to undertaking support function and giving the man in my life all the credits for every achievement that we have attained - so long as he is worth it.
Yet weak males - the ones who act like little kids and end up being mothered by their partners, those who do not want to rise up to the challenge and better themselves, those who cannot treat a woman right, those who think that they are GOD's gift without doing a single thing, those who are lazy and think that they are always right, those who uphold double standards, those who are possessive, selfish and a stinking attitude - fall into a single category called the losers.
Of course, this observation does not just pertain to Asian males - it falls into males in general. Every woman in this world wants to feel loved and special - and putting them down does not equal to doing so. Why would you want to be with someone who puts you down all the time - it is killing you slowly and surely. Everyone wants to be someone who supports them and understands them and accepts them the way they are.
In life we have many roles to play. While at times it is easy to think that these roles are independent of gender (given the feminism movement and globalisation in general) - at times, it is useful to step back and think about what we want in our lives and start pursuing those. Because really, it is no longer about right and wrong, it is about how you want your life to be.
Some Asian women want to be beautiful and they maintain themselves well and give off the modern-city girls vibe - and some (if not most) want a real man to take care of them. The definition of a real man can be different for each of them...
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
a personal philosophy of life
Every one of us, unconsciously, works out a personal philosophy of life, by which we are guided, inspired, and corrected, as time goes on. It is this philosophy by which we measure out our days, and by which we advertise to all about us the man, or woman, that we are. . . . It takes but a brief time to scent the life philosophy of anyone. It is defined in the conversation, in the look of the eye, and in the general mien of the person. It has no hiding place. It's like the perfume of the flower — unseen, but known almost instantly. It is the possession of the successful, and the happy. And it can be greatly embellished by the absorption of ideas and experiences of the useful of this earth.
- George Matthew Adams
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
we all want to be happy
just been to lunch with adf. adf has been married for a few months now. and adf is loving every minute of it. adf said that she knew that hubby is the one as soon as they were dating. adf also mentioned that prior to meeting hubby, she was worried about not having anyone whos good enough to be with her.
now back in my shoe box, im thinking about adf. gosh, how i love her. at least she is honest enough to tell me about these things, although it ended with the question of where im heading with boy.
i told her that i have no idea - and quite frankly, we have been dating for 2-3 months (i think its almost 3 months now) and we are still adjusting to each other. by adjusting i mean we are still learning about each other.
and this conversation with adf brought me to think about my conversation with sister the other day. and heck, its like how can anyone just commit themselves with one person for the rest of their lives. what if you get bored. what if you cant stand it anymore. when that happens, what the fuck are you going to do. what happens when you dont want to work on it anymore. afterall, people change right - dont they.
sister said that i have been badly burned before thats why i asked those questions. and maybe she is right. after you have given so much to a relationship (or anything really) and not getting the result that you want, i think its just so fucking painful. its like failing an exam after you have studied throughout the semester diligently day and night. and in life, we gotta move on - or at least i want to move on and just resume living. so it didnt work out, just walk away.
with the ever increasing number of friends being attached and committed, it is almost inevitable that the marriage question is being asked. and because it is such a new thing for us, it is almost inevitable that the question hows married life is being asked. then there are the babies and the kids and then suddenly, you know that you have no life. haha. oops.
im not trying to pain a bleak picture or anything - it just brings home the point: now is what you've got, so make the most of it.
we all want to be happy. who doesnt.
just start working on it.
now back in my shoe box, im thinking about adf. gosh, how i love her. at least she is honest enough to tell me about these things, although it ended with the question of where im heading with boy.
i told her that i have no idea - and quite frankly, we have been dating for 2-3 months (i think its almost 3 months now) and we are still adjusting to each other. by adjusting i mean we are still learning about each other.
and this conversation with adf brought me to think about my conversation with sister the other day. and heck, its like how can anyone just commit themselves with one person for the rest of their lives. what if you get bored. what if you cant stand it anymore. when that happens, what the fuck are you going to do. what happens when you dont want to work on it anymore. afterall, people change right - dont they.
sister said that i have been badly burned before thats why i asked those questions. and maybe she is right. after you have given so much to a relationship (or anything really) and not getting the result that you want, i think its just so fucking painful. its like failing an exam after you have studied throughout the semester diligently day and night. and in life, we gotta move on - or at least i want to move on and just resume living. so it didnt work out, just walk away.
with the ever increasing number of friends being attached and committed, it is almost inevitable that the marriage question is being asked. and because it is such a new thing for us, it is almost inevitable that the question hows married life is being asked. then there are the babies and the kids and then suddenly, you know that you have no life. haha. oops.
im not trying to pain a bleak picture or anything - it just brings home the point: now is what you've got, so make the most of it.
we all want to be happy. who doesnt.
just start working on it.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Happiness: a tribute
Kebahagiaan yang sangat manis, disaat kita menemukan seseorang yang keunikannya serupa dengan kita. Seseorang yang memberikan kehangatan dengan kehadirannya di hidup kita, yang sorotan matanya memberikan keteduhan dan cinta yang tulus... seseorang yang mewarnai dunia kita, yang membuat kita percaya bahwa kita bisa jadi apa aja yang kita inginkan. Seseorang yang sabar membimbing, yang sabar menanti, yang mencintai kita apa adanya.
Ketika kita bersama dengan orang itu, kita rasakan damai dan tentram, karena pandangan matanya mengatakan bahwa dia mengerti apa yang kita rasakan, bahwa dia tau segalanya walaupun kita belum mengatakan sepatah kata pun. Karena banyak hal yang tidak bisa disebutkan dengan kata2, perasaan dan gejolak jiwa yang menggebu2.
Kehadiran seseorang yang sangat berharga di hidup kita, sebuah hadiah yang kita tidak berani harapkan... tetapi jika itu diberikan, maka puji syukur kepada Tuhan atas anugerah-Nya yang sungguh besar.
***********************************************************************************
mao dijawab secara langsung pertanyaan “apakah kita bisa selalu bahagia?” itu kan tergantung dari sudut mana kita melihat (dan menghargai) kebahagiaan tersebut.
didalam kesedihan yang paling dalam pun selalu ada kebahagiaan yang tersembunyi diantara tetesan air mata dan jeritan hati yang paling menusuk lara.
hanya karena kita tidak sadar kebahagiaan itu ada bukan berarti itu tidak ada.
Ketika kita bersama dengan orang itu, kita rasakan damai dan tentram, karena pandangan matanya mengatakan bahwa dia mengerti apa yang kita rasakan, bahwa dia tau segalanya walaupun kita belum mengatakan sepatah kata pun. Karena banyak hal yang tidak bisa disebutkan dengan kata2, perasaan dan gejolak jiwa yang menggebu2.
Kehadiran seseorang yang sangat berharga di hidup kita, sebuah hadiah yang kita tidak berani harapkan... tetapi jika itu diberikan, maka puji syukur kepada Tuhan atas anugerah-Nya yang sungguh besar.
***********************************************************************************
mao dijawab secara langsung pertanyaan “apakah kita bisa selalu bahagia?” itu kan tergantung dari sudut mana kita melihat (dan menghargai) kebahagiaan tersebut.
didalam kesedihan yang paling dalam pun selalu ada kebahagiaan yang tersembunyi diantara tetesan air mata dan jeritan hati yang paling menusuk lara.
hanya karena kita tidak sadar kebahagiaan itu ada bukan berarti itu tidak ada.
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