spent the arvo packing instead of helping boy shifting. heh, thats my bit - to pack all that i have here!!! so its like four loads on his car. plus one load to the removalists' van. deflated that air bed for frikkin half hour at least. man, being thick, its really good to sleep in and difficult to manage, in terms of inflating and deflating. right now, just tired. and still have to move one load. in the dark. oh well.
then we would be all moved in. well, at least i would be. i wonder if boy would be. i hope so too.
michael jackson passed away yesterday - the first thing i found out when i was chatting with nat. now i regretted not going to his concert while i was in sgp. :( i guess there can never be another MJ concert. i just love the man. his dancing. his songs. i was sad that he was not singing and dancing anymore. sigh.
i would like to say that everyone in my family loves michael jackson - but truth is i think its just me and dad. the rest - they just dont care. in fact, thinking about this reminds me of another childhood "thing" that may answer why im scared of passion. its my (bio) mum. she used to scold me when i was overly excited about things :( now i dont want to grow up becoz i felt cheated of not having that chance to be excited like normal kids do.
then there is my (step) mum who is trying to undo all the damage - and my heart goes out to her.
one hour and a pizza later...
last batch of the move - and then, home sweet home.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
last morning
last morning in pyrmont. used up the last of the milk. hehe. what a timing.
last night was so damn tired. but woke up in the middle of the night and unable to get back to sleep. when i fell back to sleep it was like... er... morning. so i got up and made my coffee and pack my shoes. gee! those things take so much space. i still havent finished packing them. oh well.
nothing too memorable really, except for the fact that it was the last night and today is the last day. no more bathroom fighting!!! no more worrying about clashing schedules - except with boy, but thats supposedly relatively easier since he is wayyyy more understanding than some people.
i love my boy, although i really want to get away from all the home cleaning and unpacking. not very domesticated at all!!! and looking forward to all-day sleeping tomorrow. that is like RARE these days.
last night was so damn tired. but woke up in the middle of the night and unable to get back to sleep. when i fell back to sleep it was like... er... morning. so i got up and made my coffee and pack my shoes. gee! those things take so much space. i still havent finished packing them. oh well.
nothing too memorable really, except for the fact that it was the last night and today is the last day. no more bathroom fighting!!! no more worrying about clashing schedules - except with boy, but thats supposedly relatively easier since he is wayyyy more understanding than some people.
i love my boy, although i really want to get away from all the home cleaning and unpacking. not very domesticated at all!!! and looking forward to all-day sleeping tomorrow. that is like RARE these days.
Friday, June 26, 2009
random blog walking
the more i think about it, the more i realise that i have been very lucky. getting into uni was a battle of the hsc, and i got into what i wanted at the time. and education-wise, i have always managed to get the best available. i have never had the anxieties associated to being rejected into the faculty/uni that i want to get. and all this time, i have been taking this smooth ride for granted. >_< i should be thanking GOD for the relative ease that i get into uni. i feel absolutely ungrateful and extremely bad about it. sigh.
blog-walking has its advantages, i suppose. and it is nice to read personal blogs where you get a glimpse of people's lives. like reading those of the ones who are in love makes you think that life is good :)
tomorrow would be the first day of the 10 days of no-internet :( on the upside, i cant wait to fall asleep and wake up next to my boy. *hugs
blog-walking has its advantages, i suppose. and it is nice to read personal blogs where you get a glimpse of people's lives. like reading those of the ones who are in love makes you think that life is good :)
tomorrow would be the first day of the 10 days of no-internet :( on the upside, i cant wait to fall asleep and wake up next to my boy. *hugs
Sunday, June 21, 2009
pre-moving
the bed is now officially gone. it belongs to someone else. someone whom hopefully will have as much adventures as we had *wink.
the weekend was gone largely to making the move-in preparation, mostly cleaning and pest-bombing the place. im not sure if the pest-bombing works, nonetheless, it makes us feel better. the place is filthy - and thats for the record. i have never scrubbed as much skirting in my life. and boy has never cleaned as much as he did in his life either.
in replacement of my now-sold bed is a super thick queen-sized air mattress. the thickness is thrice that of normal air mattress. we bought it this morning plus a motorised pump. post cleaning, boy dropped me home and wanted to set up the mattress. before he found out that the pump could not run on ac power and had to be recharged for 12 hours.
uh oh. time for plan b.
we did not have any.
plan b came in the form of a leaking small foot pump. my boy decided to pump the mattress by hand and was diligently pumping for at least half an hour (the mattress is thick), sweating and all. this after he was all flat out tired from cleaning "our place".
this is why my boy is the best out of any other ex-boyfriends and boyfriend-wanna-bes out there - because not only he is around, but he is also willing to go the extra mile to make my life better without me asking him. the fact that he volunteered to do so makes his action all the more thoughtful and sincere and now im nested comfortably in the bed and wish that he is snuggling with me.
the weekend was gone largely to making the move-in preparation, mostly cleaning and pest-bombing the place. im not sure if the pest-bombing works, nonetheless, it makes us feel better. the place is filthy - and thats for the record. i have never scrubbed as much skirting in my life. and boy has never cleaned as much as he did in his life either.
in replacement of my now-sold bed is a super thick queen-sized air mattress. the thickness is thrice that of normal air mattress. we bought it this morning plus a motorised pump. post cleaning, boy dropped me home and wanted to set up the mattress. before he found out that the pump could not run on ac power and had to be recharged for 12 hours.
uh oh. time for plan b.
we did not have any.
plan b came in the form of a leaking small foot pump. my boy decided to pump the mattress by hand and was diligently pumping for at least half an hour (the mattress is thick), sweating and all. this after he was all flat out tired from cleaning "our place".
this is why my boy is the best out of any other ex-boyfriends and boyfriend-wanna-bes out there - because not only he is around, but he is also willing to go the extra mile to make my life better without me asking him. the fact that he volunteered to do so makes his action all the more thoughtful and sincere and now im nested comfortably in the bed and wish that he is snuggling with me.
Friday, June 19, 2009
bliss
finally, we are there. picked up the keys this arvo. dropped by the place after work. pleasantly surprised at how much space we have. shocked at the distance from the train station but we will manage. or rather, i will manage. somehow. somethings in life we just gotta get used to. *wink.
walking around the neighbourhood was pleasant. i was thinking - i could get used to this. *gRin.
tonight marks the last nite i will be sleeping on this bed. tomorrow it shall belong to someone else. hehe. lots of memory here. boy is more sentimental about this than me! heh. i really should stop thinking about it, else i get sentimental too. not such a good idea for the time being. given that i already have a headache - and i dont know why.
nonetheless... im happy.
ps. i officially need walking shoes.
walking around the neighbourhood was pleasant. i was thinking - i could get used to this. *gRin.
tonight marks the last nite i will be sleeping on this bed. tomorrow it shall belong to someone else. hehe. lots of memory here. boy is more sentimental about this than me! heh. i really should stop thinking about it, else i get sentimental too. not such a good idea for the time being. given that i already have a headache - and i dont know why.
nonetheless... im happy.
ps. i officially need walking shoes.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
that point
you know that point where you just cant be bothered to argue. well im at that point. im not sure which is worse: that point or the point where you just dont care. i wonder if i can still be bothered to argue when i dont care. maybe not. so probably they are just the same. i guess i thought i cared, and it turns out, i didnt.
the rain is pouring outside yet it does little to cleanse our souls. in the unknown dreamland the rain would wash away all the pretension. the masks we've been wearing. the shield of ignorance we have been wearing - i have been wearing. i refuse to be a part of your game, yet i have been totally sucked into it. i have done little to resist it. but right now im deliberately distancing myself. because i have lost myself once in the maze of your emotional games. im still figuring my way out but i do want to get out.
i dont ever recall anything soothing and sincere - and it kills me. life can be harsh like that. and one has to move on. the sooner the better. yet we all love dramas in our lives. it enhances the roles we are playing. the scenes of our lives that are so out-of-the-ordinary yet slowly becoming ordinary, because the out-of-the-ordinaries have become the norm. suddenly we are not so unique anymore.
i yearn for my simple, undramatic (boring) life back.
the rain is pouring outside yet it does little to cleanse our souls. in the unknown dreamland the rain would wash away all the pretension. the masks we've been wearing. the shield of ignorance we have been wearing - i have been wearing. i refuse to be a part of your game, yet i have been totally sucked into it. i have done little to resist it. but right now im deliberately distancing myself. because i have lost myself once in the maze of your emotional games. im still figuring my way out but i do want to get out.
i dont ever recall anything soothing and sincere - and it kills me. life can be harsh like that. and one has to move on. the sooner the better. yet we all love dramas in our lives. it enhances the roles we are playing. the scenes of our lives that are so out-of-the-ordinary yet slowly becoming ordinary, because the out-of-the-ordinaries have become the norm. suddenly we are not so unique anymore.
i yearn for my simple, undramatic (boring) life back.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
time travelling is a bad idea
i brought myself back to that one point in time whereby i was lying wide awake in bed, wondering what was it that went wrong. i yearned so much to just hold on to the one thing that i thought might not change, but it did change and i was too tired to protest and request that things be put back where they were. quite unfortunately, i didnt and still dont have one place in the world that i can just return to anytime and call it home. if anything i must create it myself. i should know because in the past 21 months and counting i have been calling this living room my place of abode. it was not home and it is not home. that much i know. the hostility i received from the queen of double standards consolidates the feeling. thanks for letting me stay really. i dont wish to repeat the experience.
that time when i was wide awake in bed, i could not stop wondering what went wrong. the exercise that costed me my daily sleep. i could not answer it then and cannot answer it now. somethings in life we are not meant to answer. nonetheless i fell asleep with the mental exhaustion. why do we always yearn for that one thing we cannot have. the one thing that can make me green with envy is really the one thing in life i know i can never have. but im lucky that i get a taste of it every so now and then. ironically enough that is my saviour from the green-eyed monster. some kind souls out there who are more than willing to share. im forever grateful.
that time when i finally fell asleep i was awoken quite rudely from the walking time bomb. it was ticking ever so loudly with fuses that threatened to explode with even the slightest move. difussing it was out of the question, although any explosion was perhaps best done away from civilisation. our humanity was challenged. my instinct was to run away to the only safe harbour i had left. i left the tumbling ruins and jumped off the turbulent ride to disaster in an attempt to safe myself. and i saved myself all these while, only to endanger myself all over again. this is the last time. ever.
that time when i was wide awake in bed, i could not stop wondering what went wrong. the exercise that costed me my daily sleep. i could not answer it then and cannot answer it now. somethings in life we are not meant to answer. nonetheless i fell asleep with the mental exhaustion. why do we always yearn for that one thing we cannot have. the one thing that can make me green with envy is really the one thing in life i know i can never have. but im lucky that i get a taste of it every so now and then. ironically enough that is my saviour from the green-eyed monster. some kind souls out there who are more than willing to share. im forever grateful.
that time when i finally fell asleep i was awoken quite rudely from the walking time bomb. it was ticking ever so loudly with fuses that threatened to explode with even the slightest move. difussing it was out of the question, although any explosion was perhaps best done away from civilisation. our humanity was challenged. my instinct was to run away to the only safe harbour i had left. i left the tumbling ruins and jumped off the turbulent ride to disaster in an attempt to safe myself. and i saved myself all these while, only to endanger myself all over again. this is the last time. ever.
somethings gotta give
its very near. very VERY near. there is no need for further hostility. but then we are still ignoring each other so go figure. huHA. who gives a fuck anymore. if it makes you feel better, you and your fucking double standard makes me PUKE. i cant stand it and unless you can start treating your family better, then really dont even think about imposing a different standard on me. seriously, you are such a selfish bitch. and my respect to you is running at a very fast rate.
oh well. somethings gotta give eh. at least you are the epitome of not-to-be.
not long to go. and by saturday, my bed would belong to another owner. so much memories with this bed. *gRin.
oh well. somethings gotta give eh. at least you are the epitome of not-to-be.
****
not long to go. and by saturday, my bed would belong to another owner. so much memories with this bed. *gRin.
Monday, June 15, 2009
At the most extreme end of things, it is ruled by megalomaniacs with little knowledge of the world away from the catwalk and who treat outsiders with contempt. The designers are despotic control freaks, while the magazine journalists are freeloading, power-crazed, nut-jobs with an overblown sense of their importance. And I speak from experience.
From here.
From here.
ban serep
seputar kemarin malem. suddenly i can bring him just becoz jd is not in town. yeah yeah. like he wants to come now, after all the shit that happens. and sure, you can tell them all you like - whatever. not like i give a shit. but one day they will find out what happened and then they can decide for themselves. no matter the words you chose to tell them, what matters were the words you used with me. and dont try me when it comes to words. you wont like the outcome.
you want to know where i was. never mind that you dont, im gonna tell you anyway. i was invited to his family dinner. and since i was invited, i had to attend. its nice to know that there are families out there who are decent and welcoming. unlike the one i have right now who is deliberately excluding him. of course you are not wrong since technically he is not family. afterall, he is just someone who happens to matter a lot to me, and who am i again? im the rebel child, the black goat of the family, so really, including me is painful enough, why allow me to bring someone who is very likely to be on my side.
i was warned about you, but it is only now that i notice how cunning you are. on one side, i go - wow. on the other side, its like KENTUT. two-faced.
you want to know where i was. never mind that you dont, im gonna tell you anyway. i was invited to his family dinner. and since i was invited, i had to attend. its nice to know that there are families out there who are decent and welcoming. unlike the one i have right now who is deliberately excluding him. of course you are not wrong since technically he is not family. afterall, he is just someone who happens to matter a lot to me, and who am i again? im the rebel child, the black goat of the family, so really, including me is painful enough, why allow me to bring someone who is very likely to be on my side.
i was warned about you, but it is only now that i notice how cunning you are. on one side, i go - wow. on the other side, its like KENTUT. two-faced.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
some things dont change
you know when they say "the silence was so thick we could cut it with a knife". well now i know what it feels like. more like reminded all over again what it feels like.
heesh. mau hidup tenang itu ternyata perjuangan keras. makanya ironis kalo hidup sudah tenang terus merasa bosen. terkadang manusia memang sering engga jelas.
so now what. you want me to pretend? previously, i would have done it. i would pretend that we are one big happy family when it matters the most. but right now, im done pretending.
yea yea yea. call me holding grudges and all that shit. no matter. you are on your own. its not like you need me anyway. now now. dont deny it. you know its true.
people dont change. its just too hard.
i will just give you the finger.
heesh. mau hidup tenang itu ternyata perjuangan keras. makanya ironis kalo hidup sudah tenang terus merasa bosen. terkadang manusia memang sering engga jelas.
so now what. you want me to pretend? previously, i would have done it. i would pretend that we are one big happy family when it matters the most. but right now, im done pretending.
yea yea yea. call me holding grudges and all that shit. no matter. you are on your own. its not like you need me anyway. now now. dont deny it. you know its true.
people dont change. its just too hard.
i will just give you the finger.
the pretender
maybe it is too much to ask. and i asked anyway because i just couldnt stand being someone who is just a fraction of your vision of the perfect life. because insofar that i can stand it - sure; and if i couldnt, then really, i'd rather not. whats the point of being if you are just an accessory of someone's life. yeah, you tell me. but you, you would not know, because put simply, in just NEVER crosses your mind that you were out of line.
i get that you think you are running the whole fucking family - and you may be right. that you are like the mother superior of this family because the mother was not being a mother. (in fact, i wonder if she knows what being a mother is all about - never mind.) and to quote your own words, if i dont tell you this, then who would. haha. no, dont you worry, i wont tell you. because i just cant be fucked. yea yea yea, just do whatever you fucking want. dont ask me to be a part of it.
because im sick and tired of being unheard and misunderstood all the time. because im sick and tired of pretending that everything is alright when it is clearly NOT. pretension is your forte - i get it. TOTALLY. so off you go - pretend all you like. leave me out of it. there you go - my support comes from the lack of resistance.
you can tell yourself that you are doing this for my own good - that if its not you then who else. sure. convince yourself that you are the angel. the saint. whatever. or rather, more precisely, convince yourself that im the dark angel. the sinner. at least im honest. i never declare that im an angel. or a saint. or anything else along those lines. im just genuine. and that is more i can say when it comes to you.
one day, when someone out of your partner's family is organising a dinner and you are not invited, then you would know. but i hope your partner's family is better than that - and they probably are. so you would be spared this ordeal. but someone close to you may not. life has a way to bring things back to you. dont worry, you are not missing out on anything.
i get that you think you are running the whole fucking family - and you may be right. that you are like the mother superior of this family because the mother was not being a mother. (in fact, i wonder if she knows what being a mother is all about - never mind.) and to quote your own words, if i dont tell you this, then who would. haha. no, dont you worry, i wont tell you. because i just cant be fucked. yea yea yea, just do whatever you fucking want. dont ask me to be a part of it.
because im sick and tired of being unheard and misunderstood all the time. because im sick and tired of pretending that everything is alright when it is clearly NOT. pretension is your forte - i get it. TOTALLY. so off you go - pretend all you like. leave me out of it. there you go - my support comes from the lack of resistance.
you can tell yourself that you are doing this for my own good - that if its not you then who else. sure. convince yourself that you are the angel. the saint. whatever. or rather, more precisely, convince yourself that im the dark angel. the sinner. at least im honest. i never declare that im an angel. or a saint. or anything else along those lines. im just genuine. and that is more i can say when it comes to you.
one day, when someone out of your partner's family is organising a dinner and you are not invited, then you would know. but i hope your partner's family is better than that - and they probably are. so you would be spared this ordeal. but someone close to you may not. life has a way to bring things back to you. dont worry, you are not missing out on anything.
Friday, June 12, 2009
i think its the way she talks.
she is able to comfort and understand simultaneously by saying a few words. the most powerful words of all. the most useful. the most nurturing. encouraging. loving. caring. you name it. thirty minutes later it was all over. but the feeling lingers for days, months, years. i want to come back for more.
im reading a motivational book.
otherwise known as a self-help book. one of those books that is designed to make you more reflective of your life. and i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me, but ever since i started reading these books like a decade ago, my issue still revolves around this one thing.
the one thing that is driving me CRAZY right now. how can someone who has been largely absent in your life is able to impose so much control and inflict so much damage! its like doing all the shit that the books suggest OBVIOUSLY did not get rid of the problem. im at a loss frankly. but i want to solve this once and for all. because i cannot stand living a single second of my life being affected by this shit.
yes it is amazing how much your parent(s) can fuck you up.
OMFG
OMFG
OMFG
OMFG
OMFG.
what is it that i have to do to just simply MOVE ON with my OWN life.
she is able to comfort and understand simultaneously by saying a few words. the most powerful words of all. the most useful. the most nurturing. encouraging. loving. caring. you name it. thirty minutes later it was all over. but the feeling lingers for days, months, years. i want to come back for more.
im reading a motivational book.
otherwise known as a self-help book. one of those books that is designed to make you more reflective of your life. and i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me, but ever since i started reading these books like a decade ago, my issue still revolves around this one thing.
the one thing that is driving me CRAZY right now. how can someone who has been largely absent in your life is able to impose so much control and inflict so much damage! its like doing all the shit that the books suggest OBVIOUSLY did not get rid of the problem. im at a loss frankly. but i want to solve this once and for all. because i cannot stand living a single second of my life being affected by this shit.
yes it is amazing how much your parent(s) can fuck you up.
OMFG
OMFG
OMFG
OMFG
OMFG.
what is it that i have to do to just simply MOVE ON with my OWN life.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
THAT kind of feeling
u know that kind of feeling. the one that makes you want to kill yourself.
well, thats my cup of tea this morning.
no, i havent killed myself yet, and have no intention to. its just a stupid feeling. silly-muthafucka-piece-of-shit.
dad, if your reading this, i love you.
im supposed to be doing work today. but since my contract is ending in two weeks, im seriously lacking motivation. oh well. i really should get the shit done and then that would be it. and then i have the time to decide which stuff i want to do next. i admit that studying is appealing, but the price tag attached to it is not. and i can incur some serious debt courtesy of the oz govt, but i really cant be fucked. although if i do take that path then that would be my only option since i dont want to ask my dad for some $ for school - again. and besides, on the grand scale of things, i prefer to work. yes, you read it right. or actually, i want to earn money. if earning money is possible without work then that would be it. weeehhh.
life has this funny way with me. at this time last year i was too busy doing something that i barely do at the moment - and little did i know that it was short-lived. but it was great while it lasted though. and the scary shit is that im so used to this condition of not-knowing that i no longer feel bothered by it. like i give no shit while still giving a shit. a zen-like state of not-knowing. ignorance is a fucking pure bliss.
i just want to get away - away from all of the shit that has been crowding my life. especially from people who are too busy either with their kids or preparing the arrival of their kids. yeah yeah. sure your excited - you should be. forgive me for not being excited becoz kids are not my thang you know. maybe i will like one when i have one. but im not gonna pretend that i like them when i dont. just accept it. some people are good with kids. others - like yours truly - just cant be fucked. i would rather go to the movies or watch a DVD marathon rather than listening to playschool or discussing the size of teats most suitable to which babies.
holy shiat. right now it feels like career-wise im back to square one. or minus one?
i need to perform a radical surgery in my life.
well, thats my cup of tea this morning.
no, i havent killed myself yet, and have no intention to. its just a stupid feeling. silly-muthafucka-piece-of-shit.
dad, if your reading this, i love you.
im supposed to be doing work today. but since my contract is ending in two weeks, im seriously lacking motivation. oh well. i really should get the shit done and then that would be it. and then i have the time to decide which stuff i want to do next. i admit that studying is appealing, but the price tag attached to it is not. and i can incur some serious debt courtesy of the oz govt, but i really cant be fucked. although if i do take that path then that would be my only option since i dont want to ask my dad for some $ for school - again. and besides, on the grand scale of things, i prefer to work. yes, you read it right. or actually, i want to earn money. if earning money is possible without work then that would be it. weeehhh.
life has this funny way with me. at this time last year i was too busy doing something that i barely do at the moment - and little did i know that it was short-lived. but it was great while it lasted though. and the scary shit is that im so used to this condition of not-knowing that i no longer feel bothered by it. like i give no shit while still giving a shit. a zen-like state of not-knowing. ignorance is a fucking pure bliss.
i just want to get away - away from all of the shit that has been crowding my life. especially from people who are too busy either with their kids or preparing the arrival of their kids. yeah yeah. sure your excited - you should be. forgive me for not being excited becoz kids are not my thang you know. maybe i will like one when i have one. but im not gonna pretend that i like them when i dont. just accept it. some people are good with kids. others - like yours truly - just cant be fucked. i would rather go to the movies or watch a DVD marathon rather than listening to playschool or discussing the size of teats most suitable to which babies.
holy shiat. right now it feels like career-wise im back to square one. or minus one?
i need to perform a radical surgery in my life.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
everyday is a long weekend
ah long weekend.
the long weekend that does not feel like long weekend. maybe because most of long weekends just dont feel like long weekends to me - such that i forgot what it felt like. either i have to study or submit some sort of analysis. or that i have been too busy enjoying life that everyday feels like long weekend.
the king of the universe on earth (aka millionaire by nature) called on saturday because presumably he missed his one and only - si bontot. but he would never admit that in a thousand years. salah gue juga sih engga nelpon. pas gue mao telpon dia malah uda terbang lagi. ya uda. tunggu dia balik aja entar gue telpon deh. gue juga kangen sama dia.
finally we have some time to breathe. and we are yearning to settle down. no, not in that sense. in the sense of having our own nook and just be comfortable in it. then i want to explore some new stuff and just fly with it. even when im still not sure what it is. oh what the heck. i may just try all of them since ive got the time now. its nice when you have time. hehe. and in retrospect i should have done this ages ago. then again, i was busy trying other things. i guess it is nice when you finally have the time to do the things that you otherwise would never have thought of. so long as the bank balance still allows you to do so :)
life has its own turns and you just have to navigate your way through. sometimes you want to go through some routes that are not open for public. so you put your application through, and if approved then you have the permission to pass. if not you just have to find other ways to get to your destination. thus, knowing the destination is more important than the route itself.
question is, do i know what my destination is.
i have about three years to kill before i turn 30. and by that time, i hope to achieve even more things. oh well. i guess im finally at that stage where i do think about what i really want before i turn 30. oddly enough, im very very excited.
frustrating as all of these uncertainties may be... they are actually very humbling. and for that, im grateful. very grateful.
the long weekend that does not feel like long weekend. maybe because most of long weekends just dont feel like long weekends to me - such that i forgot what it felt like. either i have to study or submit some sort of analysis. or that i have been too busy enjoying life that everyday feels like long weekend.
the king of the universe on earth (aka millionaire by nature) called on saturday because presumably he missed his one and only - si bontot. but he would never admit that in a thousand years. salah gue juga sih engga nelpon. pas gue mao telpon dia malah uda terbang lagi. ya uda. tunggu dia balik aja entar gue telpon deh. gue juga kangen sama dia.
finally we have some time to breathe. and we are yearning to settle down. no, not in that sense. in the sense of having our own nook and just be comfortable in it. then i want to explore some new stuff and just fly with it. even when im still not sure what it is. oh what the heck. i may just try all of them since ive got the time now. its nice when you have time. hehe. and in retrospect i should have done this ages ago. then again, i was busy trying other things. i guess it is nice when you finally have the time to do the things that you otherwise would never have thought of. so long as the bank balance still allows you to do so :)
life has its own turns and you just have to navigate your way through. sometimes you want to go through some routes that are not open for public. so you put your application through, and if approved then you have the permission to pass. if not you just have to find other ways to get to your destination. thus, knowing the destination is more important than the route itself.
question is, do i know what my destination is.
i have about three years to kill before i turn 30. and by that time, i hope to achieve even more things. oh well. i guess im finally at that stage where i do think about what i really want before i turn 30. oddly enough, im very very excited.
frustrating as all of these uncertainties may be... they are actually very humbling. and for that, im grateful. very grateful.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
the busy bodies
i hope you are happy since you have destroyed all my mental peace away from me. and seriously, engga usah ngurusin hidup gue. urusin aja hidup loe sendiri. gue minta duit dari eloe juga engga. what makes you think im gonna have to answer to you.
yea yea you provided shelter when i needed it most. the shelther that i paid for remember. so really, dont act all saintly and shit becoz it was a simple business transaction. the transaction that u made complicated.
im sick of all your shit.
yea yea you provided shelter when i needed it most. the shelther that i paid for remember. so really, dont act all saintly and shit becoz it was a simple business transaction. the transaction that u made complicated.
im sick of all your shit.
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