this morning is one of those mornings where i woke up too early and ends up reminiscing and reflecting upon so many things in my life. and i have to say it is nice to finally nurture this hobby over and over and over again. maybe somehow this would count towards my 10,000 hours practice.
this morning i was wondering about this thing called - what would i have done differently. and for once, the answer is many. i have always prided in being one of those individuals who regrets nothing as i think i have been giving my best in every situation. but this morning, i let my imagination run wild. the things that i would have done had those constraints not been there. it was a very liberating journey. to take comfort in the imagination. maybe right-brain exercises create more endorphins. i dont know.
i do know that it surely feels good. to dream. to have a dream and to live in pursue of your dreams. not someone else's dream that you have somehow managed to convince yourself as yours. maybe im too idealistic in this respect. but truth be told. i have not been wanting anything for quite sometime. yes, i have wondered if im depressed (im not). all these stereotypes and societal pressures dont get to me because i dont let them to. it is easy to slip to the other side. it is just nicer to stay on this side.
ah, the rollercoaster ride of life. i admit that i dont always make the best judgment and choices and there are times that my brain just fails me. maybe because im just too ... err... weird like that. i dont know. i let my heart do the thinking occassionally and it has been alright so far. together they make a great team. maybe this is what they mean by passion. plus this thing called serendipity - really, wow. wow. wow. wow. can you ask for anything better?
by having the abilities to take what may come. by being ready for the things that you dont see in the horizon but may appear ever so suddenly that you dont have the time to breathe. you jump in for the ride anyway and have the best time of your life, all without having a prior insight into what it is all about. it is a very humbling experience. most people who have been on the ride often recall not having imagine something like so. but i bet they do; they just dont want to admit it to the world publicly. thats ok. there are things we do in private that we would never do publicly. like one of the best pleasures in this planet - orgasms. unless you are a porn star, i doubt that you want to do so publicly.
it is whats inside that counts. and whatever is outside is mostly for appearances. they still count though. tell me what doesnt count these days.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
random thoughts
im sitting here in my living room browsing the net for no reason. tv sucks tonight ever since desperate housewives and brother and sisters are no longer on air. i could have watched some dvds, but i havent dragged my lazy ass to the dvd store. i think there are some movies on my boy's hard drive, but i really dont know where it is. so here i go. sitting here. blogging.
recently, i have been a participant of online shopping. eh, i know i was in a shopping ban, but life is so not fun when im depriving myself off shopping. and besides, given that now i have space to store these things, it is fun to grow the collection again, given that it has not been growing for a few months now. the stuff i bought online has not arrived yet - and im getting impatient! but it is nice to have something to look forward to :D
just like i cant wait for november to come so that i can shop and travel. tee hee!
in the past coupls of years i have been living out of someone else's living room. now i can appreciate having my own space in which i can do anything i want. plus i can eat whatever i want and not have to conform to someone else's tastes. yes there are upsides, like no cooking but there is food. lately i have been cooking again and it has been good so far. in fact, it is getting more fun as time goes by. maybe it can be a hobby that i can master. hehe. unlikely it seems at this point in time. given that i cook with no recipe - and i cannot repeat the same dish twice. hey, the only way to cook is to cook without a recipe :)
heh, what an ironic for a typical planner who loves to plan every little thing. spontaneity can be useful i guess. so only plan when necessary!
recently, i have been a participant of online shopping. eh, i know i was in a shopping ban, but life is so not fun when im depriving myself off shopping. and besides, given that now i have space to store these things, it is fun to grow the collection again, given that it has not been growing for a few months now. the stuff i bought online has not arrived yet - and im getting impatient! but it is nice to have something to look forward to :D
just like i cant wait for november to come so that i can shop and travel. tee hee!
in the past coupls of years i have been living out of someone else's living room. now i can appreciate having my own space in which i can do anything i want. plus i can eat whatever i want and not have to conform to someone else's tastes. yes there are upsides, like no cooking but there is food. lately i have been cooking again and it has been good so far. in fact, it is getting more fun as time goes by. maybe it can be a hobby that i can master. hehe. unlikely it seems at this point in time. given that i cook with no recipe - and i cannot repeat the same dish twice. hey, the only way to cook is to cook without a recipe :)
heh, what an ironic for a typical planner who loves to plan every little thing. spontaneity can be useful i guess. so only plan when necessary!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
the pendullum swings
these days, my mood swings between two extremes.
when im in my sane mode, im happy with my life. and i say fuck off to those who are asking me to plan my life, my future, bla bla bla. because we will never know what is going to happen. so really, whats the use of stressing about these things. take it as it comes. enjoy life. live a little. whats the whole point of continuously achieving.
when im in my down mode (like right now), im frustrated with my life. because i think there has got to be more to life than what it is right now. this is precisely the feeling i felt when i was completing that thick book that earned me the two prestigious letters in front of my name. like there is something out there waiting to be devoured. passionately. endlessly. continuously.
i get frustrated because i dont know what it is. fuck you passion.
why dont i like anything - anything at all. or maybe i do/did/used to, and then something happened and i dont really like them anymore? heesshhhhh. bosenan banget. ga jelas banget.
when im in my sane mode, im happy with my life. and i say fuck off to those who are asking me to plan my life, my future, bla bla bla. because we will never know what is going to happen. so really, whats the use of stressing about these things. take it as it comes. enjoy life. live a little. whats the whole point of continuously achieving.
when im in my down mode (like right now), im frustrated with my life. because i think there has got to be more to life than what it is right now. this is precisely the feeling i felt when i was completing that thick book that earned me the two prestigious letters in front of my name. like there is something out there waiting to be devoured. passionately. endlessly. continuously.
i get frustrated because i dont know what it is. fuck you passion.
why dont i like anything - anything at all. or maybe i do/did/used to, and then something happened and i dont really like them anymore? heesshhhhh. bosenan banget. ga jelas banget.
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