PMS is a bitch. Need I say more?
Le sigh.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Not to purchase
I really should not be making promises that I know are difficult to keep.
And whilst I know that fact a priori, it still does not stop me from making promises that are difficult to keep. My latest is this promise I made to myself that I am not going to purchase anything for myself (the only exception is food and travel expenses) until Boxing Day.
Without wanting to add extra layer of challenge into this whole thing, lately, we have been hanging out in the mall.
Is it just me, or is the financial crisis resulting in more sale signs being put up everywhere? Like sales growth is slowing down, so lets put prices down and keep things going. The temptation to buy buy buy has never been this strong strong strong. Thankfully, equally strong is my enduring ambivalence not to purchase anything for myself. At least so far anyway.
My birthday is coming up and a few years back, I started this tradition of birthday shopping - that is, a day where I just shop shop and shop for myself. This year, I made my promise without factoring this fact. So it would be very interesting as to whether or not I am going to buy anything for myself on that day. In my defense though, logically, it makes sense not to purchase anything until Boxing Day - given that I dont really need anything, I just want a lot of things, I like a lot of things and want to have them. Plus, I can afford them if I want to. So the challenge of self-control has at least quadrupled.
Needless to say, what I want from this exercise is breaking a habit - shopping for unnecessary things that end up cluttering the house and draining the bank account (ok, draining is an exaggeration, but you get the point). Believe it or not, I have not read the last Harry Potter book and it was going for $9.95 at Borders. Almost bought it - and didnt buy it. And very happy about it.
(And please dont buy any book for me because I really dont want to have any more paper books - what I am waiting for is an electronic book that I can read, say off my mobile phone or something. That sounds a bit far fetched at this point in time, so I am pretty happy to substitute it for something else that is equally attractive in performance. Whilst I love the bookcase and all the books displayed in it, I really dont want to add any more paper books to my super small apartment. I much prefer to have it in a small compact device that I can carry anywhere with me.)
Then I ask myself if the Harry Potter book was going for $1 or less, will I buy it? Honestly, the answer is probably yes. But since that would entail me breaking my own promise, I have to say that I am going to ask someone else to buy it for me. hehe.
That brings me to my final point for this post. I told the people around me about this and they are all very encouraging about it. I am not a reckless spender so its not like everyone is curbing my spending (In fact, to those who are close to me, I am known as the queen of bargain shopping). The one thing that brings a smile to my face is that everyone is offering to shop for me! Beloved said that "sure you cant buy anything for yourself, but other people can still buy things for you".
Since that defeats the purpose of the exercise, as part of my enduring ambivalence, I have been declining the offers. Yet the gestures touch my heart. Because I know they are sincere.
I guess, Im loved by many.
And whilst I know that fact a priori, it still does not stop me from making promises that are difficult to keep. My latest is this promise I made to myself that I am not going to purchase anything for myself (the only exception is food and travel expenses) until Boxing Day.
Without wanting to add extra layer of challenge into this whole thing, lately, we have been hanging out in the mall.
Is it just me, or is the financial crisis resulting in more sale signs being put up everywhere? Like sales growth is slowing down, so lets put prices down and keep things going. The temptation to buy buy buy has never been this strong strong strong. Thankfully, equally strong is my enduring ambivalence not to purchase anything for myself. At least so far anyway.
My birthday is coming up and a few years back, I started this tradition of birthday shopping - that is, a day where I just shop shop and shop for myself. This year, I made my promise without factoring this fact. So it would be very interesting as to whether or not I am going to buy anything for myself on that day. In my defense though, logically, it makes sense not to purchase anything until Boxing Day - given that I dont really need anything, I just want a lot of things, I like a lot of things and want to have them. Plus, I can afford them if I want to. So the challenge of self-control has at least quadrupled.
Needless to say, what I want from this exercise is breaking a habit - shopping for unnecessary things that end up cluttering the house and draining the bank account (ok, draining is an exaggeration, but you get the point). Believe it or not, I have not read the last Harry Potter book and it was going for $9.95 at Borders. Almost bought it - and didnt buy it. And very happy about it.
(And please dont buy any book for me because I really dont want to have any more paper books - what I am waiting for is an electronic book that I can read, say off my mobile phone or something. That sounds a bit far fetched at this point in time, so I am pretty happy to substitute it for something else that is equally attractive in performance. Whilst I love the bookcase and all the books displayed in it, I really dont want to add any more paper books to my super small apartment. I much prefer to have it in a small compact device that I can carry anywhere with me.)
Then I ask myself if the Harry Potter book was going for $1 or less, will I buy it? Honestly, the answer is probably yes. But since that would entail me breaking my own promise, I have to say that I am going to ask someone else to buy it for me. hehe.
That brings me to my final point for this post. I told the people around me about this and they are all very encouraging about it. I am not a reckless spender so its not like everyone is curbing my spending (In fact, to those who are close to me, I am known as the queen of bargain shopping). The one thing that brings a smile to my face is that everyone is offering to shop for me! Beloved said that "sure you cant buy anything for yourself, but other people can still buy things for you".
Since that defeats the purpose of the exercise, as part of my enduring ambivalence, I have been declining the offers. Yet the gestures touch my heart. Because I know they are sincere.
I guess, Im loved by many.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Why so serious?
I swear I dont want to write anything about relationships ever again. Or talk to anybody about it, except for the person in question. A lot of the things that I do in this life are not necessarily out of logic (gasp). A lot of things that I cant quite pin-point to words - because I just dont know how to say them. I dont know whether words have been invented to describe them.
That said, at times, I have to say I hate explaining myself to other people - even those who are close to me. Because I dont feel that I am being listened to. And that is a shitty feeling - because when I have decided to talk, I want and expect to be heard. I understand that people come into conversations with preconceptions and judgments - and that is fine - yet I deserve to be heard. Even when my points do not logically make sense.
I hate it when you get pissed with me just because I cannot put a certain kind of certainty into a lot of things in life. I may want A and I work hard to get A and guess what - even with the best of intention and action, it is still possible for me not to get A. Not because I did not work hard enough and not because I did not want it hard enough, it is just a brickwall that forces a reconsideration of whether (1) I really want A and (2) I should drop A and pursue something else.
I was reminded of one of my exes - and the fact that he was (and still is) always so angry when I change my mind and opinion about certain things. Or when my choice is inconsistent with my previous views on things. So I am unpredictable - and again, one of my exes (a different one) said that this is a bad thing: people should be predictable. That screams "BORING" to me. Unpredictability makes life colourful and interesting - lets face it, we will never know what is going to happen, unless of course, we are GOD. But we are still human.
It boils down to - why so serious? Take reality lightly - most things in life are changeable, and if you want to change them, then change them. At the same time, be aware of the fact that you cannot change other people unless they themselves want to change.
At the end of the day - it is my life. Yes it sounds so selfish, but I am the one who has to fall asleep at night and so therefore it is better for ME to be comfortable with MY own decisions, even when you dont understand why I took those paths. Are you going to fall asleep on my behalf. Are you willing to spend those sleepless nights with me - only to realise that I would return to doing whatever it is I want to do in the first place anyway.
I have never asked you to understand me. Or to support me. Or whatever. I dont expect anything along those lines from you. I do expect you to respect my choices in life - including how I approach it. It is hard enough to have other people criticising my choices in life, I dont need an additional person to do it.
You dont want to see him thats fine. We will just hang out outside the house. Without you.
That said, at times, I have to say I hate explaining myself to other people - even those who are close to me. Because I dont feel that I am being listened to. And that is a shitty feeling - because when I have decided to talk, I want and expect to be heard. I understand that people come into conversations with preconceptions and judgments - and that is fine - yet I deserve to be heard. Even when my points do not logically make sense.
I hate it when you get pissed with me just because I cannot put a certain kind of certainty into a lot of things in life. I may want A and I work hard to get A and guess what - even with the best of intention and action, it is still possible for me not to get A. Not because I did not work hard enough and not because I did not want it hard enough, it is just a brickwall that forces a reconsideration of whether (1) I really want A and (2) I should drop A and pursue something else.
I was reminded of one of my exes - and the fact that he was (and still is) always so angry when I change my mind and opinion about certain things. Or when my choice is inconsistent with my previous views on things. So I am unpredictable - and again, one of my exes (a different one) said that this is a bad thing: people should be predictable. That screams "BORING" to me. Unpredictability makes life colourful and interesting - lets face it, we will never know what is going to happen, unless of course, we are GOD. But we are still human.
It boils down to - why so serious? Take reality lightly - most things in life are changeable, and if you want to change them, then change them. At the same time, be aware of the fact that you cannot change other people unless they themselves want to change.
At the end of the day - it is my life. Yes it sounds so selfish, but I am the one who has to fall asleep at night and so therefore it is better for ME to be comfortable with MY own decisions, even when you dont understand why I took those paths. Are you going to fall asleep on my behalf. Are you willing to spend those sleepless nights with me - only to realise that I would return to doing whatever it is I want to do in the first place anyway.
I have never asked you to understand me. Or to support me. Or whatever. I dont expect anything along those lines from you. I do expect you to respect my choices in life - including how I approach it. It is hard enough to have other people criticising my choices in life, I dont need an additional person to do it.
You dont want to see him thats fine. We will just hang out outside the house. Without you.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Wardrobe cleaning
--Back from LA and the super long holiday in the USA. Back into the comfort and familiarity of Sydney.
--Spent the weekend doing wardrobe cleaning. If you have the slightest clue as to how I live at the moment, you would understand the significance of the activity. I am pretty neat - I would even say that I am a neat freak - and yes, I tend to know where everything is. Because there is a high probability that at some stage, I was putting things away. To clean things up.
--So the story goes like this. While I was in LA I was exchanging ideas with my beloved (sister) about minimalistic living. I was travelling for two months and had to pack a single big suitcase, with only four pairs of shoes. I only bought an additional pair while I was there - and I think that is a big achievement, given that there are so many pair of cuties around.
--My minimalistic living doesnt last too long - in fact, it was kind of prematurely killed because I was shopping and shopping and shopping, which expanded my collection, up to the extent that I would not call it minimalistic. I have two super silly reasons for this. One - I like shopping and shopping is a blast in this part of the world; given the limited time that I stayed, I just had to make the most of it. Two - I dislike wearing the same outfit when taking photos. hehe.
--During wardrobe cleaning yesterday, we toyed around with the idea of minimalistic living yet again. Of course this is only in spirit and not in practice just yet. We translated it in the form of having a minimalistic wardrobe and putting the stuff we think we dont want to wear in the next month or so in storage. Every month, we are supposed to repeat the process and rotate our collection this way - in an attempt to prevent ourselves from shopping unnecessarily. And of course, donate the things that we know we dont want to wear anymore.
--I feel sorry for beloved sometimes. I mean its like - she is perpetually running out of things to wear. So I keep giving her things to wear. And she said that she does not want them because they are nice and she reckons I should wear them. Ok, of course those things are nice and I do want to wear them (otherwise they wont be part of my collection) - point is that I want her to wear them. She accepted them in the end - I am just persuasive like that.
--I have set aside four bags exploding with clothes and accessories that I want to donate. One of these days, they are going into the collection bin. And yeah, it feels good to be opening my wardrobe and not have stuff exploding out of it.
--Spent the weekend doing wardrobe cleaning. If you have the slightest clue as to how I live at the moment, you would understand the significance of the activity. I am pretty neat - I would even say that I am a neat freak - and yes, I tend to know where everything is. Because there is a high probability that at some stage, I was putting things away. To clean things up.
--So the story goes like this. While I was in LA I was exchanging ideas with my beloved (sister) about minimalistic living. I was travelling for two months and had to pack a single big suitcase, with only four pairs of shoes. I only bought an additional pair while I was there - and I think that is a big achievement, given that there are so many pair of cuties around.
--My minimalistic living doesnt last too long - in fact, it was kind of prematurely killed because I was shopping and shopping and shopping, which expanded my collection, up to the extent that I would not call it minimalistic. I have two super silly reasons for this. One - I like shopping and shopping is a blast in this part of the world; given the limited time that I stayed, I just had to make the most of it. Two - I dislike wearing the same outfit when taking photos. hehe.
--During wardrobe cleaning yesterday, we toyed around with the idea of minimalistic living yet again. Of course this is only in spirit and not in practice just yet. We translated it in the form of having a minimalistic wardrobe and putting the stuff we think we dont want to wear in the next month or so in storage. Every month, we are supposed to repeat the process and rotate our collection this way - in an attempt to prevent ourselves from shopping unnecessarily. And of course, donate the things that we know we dont want to wear anymore.
--I feel sorry for beloved sometimes. I mean its like - she is perpetually running out of things to wear. So I keep giving her things to wear. And she said that she does not want them because they are nice and she reckons I should wear them. Ok, of course those things are nice and I do want to wear them (otherwise they wont be part of my collection) - point is that I want her to wear them. She accepted them in the end - I am just persuasive like that.
--I have set aside four bags exploding with clothes and accessories that I want to donate. One of these days, they are going into the collection bin. And yeah, it feels good to be opening my wardrobe and not have stuff exploding out of it.
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