... but i want to. in particular i want some people not to read my blog. because their obsession is just crazy. if the right people are obsessed with me then it is fine. like for example, the president of the United States. he can make me famous! but unfortunately, i havent got a persona of that caliber who is obsessed with me yet. furthermore, those who are obsessed with me have not made my life easier, in fact, they have made it harder.
so to tell you im pissed off is an understatement.
i guess some people are just crazy. i dont have any other explanation except for that. it is like seriously, they feel the need to point out every single flaws that the other person has in order to make themselves feel better. you are kidding me.
such is a fact of life.
yesterday i was reading about suffering and happiness and how the two must go hand-in-hand because one cannot exist without the other. so without people who are obsessed about me i cannot appreciate those who are not obsessed with me. it is not so much that they are obsessed. it is very much about staying within the lines of acceptable obsession. like for example, telling me what you feel and think. sure i may know you, but really i dont want to know what you feel and think. what makes you think i want to know what you feel and think. seriously. you are not important to me, even when you think i am important to you. i really am not. i dont have the power to start a war for example. i dont have the power to make you suffer even when you think i am making you suffer just because you get no response from me whatsoever.
so there you go. i said it all.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Saturday, December 26, 2009
the changeover?
ok, so i admit - i sorta forget about this blog. i have forgotten it for like err... 3 months or more. i got busy with life and then writing here became something difficult to do.
major shit happened in the past few months. but im not going to write about them because they are depressing =(
the year is coming to an end in a few days - five to be exact. a few weeks ago, i got to be on the annoying side of late twenties. yesterday, i got the best xmas present ever - well, the best considering the circumstances, courtesy of my boy. it is nice to be loved like that.
speaking about xmas, this year i got so many presents! wiiiii!!!!!
all in all, this year has been a great year. granted it is not all that fabulous where everything goes according to plan. it is great in the sense that it brings me closer to this thing i call humanity, humility, modesty. and that happiness are often found in the simplest things in life. that after a certain threshold has been passed, the marginal utility of having more money starts to level out - or even decrease; such that living is really not about having money only.
yet it is sad that some people still equate success with money - as in the more money you have, the more successful you are. im not saying that this is not true, im saying that it is very possible that you are happy even in the absence of a shitload of money; that perhaps, having a lot of money is not the only way to define success.
what makes a person your bestfriend. when that person is willing to put up with your shit. when that person has a tolerance level way higher than the average friend. which consequently mean you tend to take that person for granted. i have always said that i only have one best friend in this life. maybe i am wrong, for i have more than one. and i hate hate hate to cause inconvenience in their lives. yet they are all so accomodating that i feel like crying because im so happy. yes, i have become more mellow as i get older.
i learn so much thing in the past two years about friendship. i learn who is not my friend. i learn who is my friend. i learn who is my best friend. the latter is something i never expected, but it was a true icing on the cake. life really has its ways to make certain things more interesting for you. the things that i thought would never change actually change. and when they happen to a person whom you hold oh so dear to your heart, how do you even begin to share your thoughts.
by mending the broken communication held by sticky tape. by telling her the things that you think she does not need to know. im not sure which part is more annoying - the bit where other people decide for me what is important and what is not important, or the bit where information was deliberately witheld from me. i guess you dont know me that well. or maybe you changed. or both. im heartbroken.
people change every single day - you are no exception. im slowly coming to a realisation that you are a stranger. that makes me think that we are not putting in enough effort into this whole thing. time is off the essense - as always. and it is difficult to have someone whom you put up on the pedestal as someone who behaves so badly it kills me.
how do i start. i dont. because i cease caring. and i can feel that this wedge is getting further and further apart.
and that, my friend, is the lesson we both must learn.
major shit happened in the past few months. but im not going to write about them because they are depressing =(
the year is coming to an end in a few days - five to be exact. a few weeks ago, i got to be on the annoying side of late twenties. yesterday, i got the best xmas present ever - well, the best considering the circumstances, courtesy of my boy. it is nice to be loved like that.
speaking about xmas, this year i got so many presents! wiiiii!!!!!
all in all, this year has been a great year. granted it is not all that fabulous where everything goes according to plan. it is great in the sense that it brings me closer to this thing i call humanity, humility, modesty. and that happiness are often found in the simplest things in life. that after a certain threshold has been passed, the marginal utility of having more money starts to level out - or even decrease; such that living is really not about having money only.
yet it is sad that some people still equate success with money - as in the more money you have, the more successful you are. im not saying that this is not true, im saying that it is very possible that you are happy even in the absence of a shitload of money; that perhaps, having a lot of money is not the only way to define success.
what makes a person your bestfriend. when that person is willing to put up with your shit. when that person has a tolerance level way higher than the average friend. which consequently mean you tend to take that person for granted. i have always said that i only have one best friend in this life. maybe i am wrong, for i have more than one. and i hate hate hate to cause inconvenience in their lives. yet they are all so accomodating that i feel like crying because im so happy. yes, i have become more mellow as i get older.
i learn so much thing in the past two years about friendship. i learn who is not my friend. i learn who is my friend. i learn who is my best friend. the latter is something i never expected, but it was a true icing on the cake. life really has its ways to make certain things more interesting for you. the things that i thought would never change actually change. and when they happen to a person whom you hold oh so dear to your heart, how do you even begin to share your thoughts.
by mending the broken communication held by sticky tape. by telling her the things that you think she does not need to know. im not sure which part is more annoying - the bit where other people decide for me what is important and what is not important, or the bit where information was deliberately witheld from me. i guess you dont know me that well. or maybe you changed. or both. im heartbroken.
people change every single day - you are no exception. im slowly coming to a realisation that you are a stranger. that makes me think that we are not putting in enough effort into this whole thing. time is off the essense - as always. and it is difficult to have someone whom you put up on the pedestal as someone who behaves so badly it kills me.
how do i start. i dont. because i cease caring. and i can feel that this wedge is getting further and further apart.
and that, my friend, is the lesson we both must learn.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
irrelevant mumblings
yes. this blog has become a blog of irrelevant mumblings. so recently i have been thinking about being a sagittarian. im not into horroscopes and such but there are things that i find true in being a sagi and im actually happy about it. lets start of with adventurous. love travelling. love taking snapshots of anything (thank GOD for digital cam). although these days exploring has been refined into this thing called surfing online. i swear its the sagi in me that loves doing it. next, optimistic. ok, so admittedly i force myself to be optimistic these days and i swear that it has good outcomes. and this is made easier since im a sag. then honest. who can rival the level of honesty of the sags? now everyone looks at me if they really want an honest opinion. and they listen to me because of that. in return, i am a good listener. not sure if this is part of the sag package, but it is good nonetheless.
gotta clean the apartment. spring is here and its time for spring cleaning. big clothes can go to the pregnant sister who looks like one of those skinny celebs with big tummies. once skinny, forever skinny? love having this new little person being around soon. hehe. meanwhile the laundry is running while it is a scorching 31 degress outside. but tomorrow its gonna go back to being cold. why do we keep having these snapshots of summer during the weekends?
came across a few blogs filled with beautiful people. love them all. then there is this urge to make things. the stuff in the wardrobe that can benefit from a breath of new life. in fact, having this urge to re-arrange the wardrobe and dry clean the winter coats. thanks to the hot weather. but tomorrow its gonna be cold again and all the urges would disappear?
happy sunday.
gotta clean the apartment. spring is here and its time for spring cleaning. big clothes can go to the pregnant sister who looks like one of those skinny celebs with big tummies. once skinny, forever skinny? love having this new little person being around soon. hehe. meanwhile the laundry is running while it is a scorching 31 degress outside. but tomorrow its gonna go back to being cold. why do we keep having these snapshots of summer during the weekends?
came across a few blogs filled with beautiful people. love them all. then there is this urge to make things. the stuff in the wardrobe that can benefit from a breath of new life. in fact, having this urge to re-arrange the wardrobe and dry clean the winter coats. thanks to the hot weather. but tomorrow its gonna be cold again and all the urges would disappear?
happy sunday.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
finally - an update!
wondering about what to do this beautiful saturday afternoon.
the markets would have closed by now.
the stores would be closed soon.
the sun would set soon.
hm.
im thinking chinatown.
the markets would have closed by now.
the stores would be closed soon.
the sun would set soon.
hm.
im thinking chinatown.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
sunday morning
this morning is one of those mornings where i woke up too early and ends up reminiscing and reflecting upon so many things in my life. and i have to say it is nice to finally nurture this hobby over and over and over again. maybe somehow this would count towards my 10,000 hours practice.
this morning i was wondering about this thing called - what would i have done differently. and for once, the answer is many. i have always prided in being one of those individuals who regrets nothing as i think i have been giving my best in every situation. but this morning, i let my imagination run wild. the things that i would have done had those constraints not been there. it was a very liberating journey. to take comfort in the imagination. maybe right-brain exercises create more endorphins. i dont know.
i do know that it surely feels good. to dream. to have a dream and to live in pursue of your dreams. not someone else's dream that you have somehow managed to convince yourself as yours. maybe im too idealistic in this respect. but truth be told. i have not been wanting anything for quite sometime. yes, i have wondered if im depressed (im not). all these stereotypes and societal pressures dont get to me because i dont let them to. it is easy to slip to the other side. it is just nicer to stay on this side.
ah, the rollercoaster ride of life. i admit that i dont always make the best judgment and choices and there are times that my brain just fails me. maybe because im just too ... err... weird like that. i dont know. i let my heart do the thinking occassionally and it has been alright so far. together they make a great team. maybe this is what they mean by passion. plus this thing called serendipity - really, wow. wow. wow. wow. can you ask for anything better?
by having the abilities to take what may come. by being ready for the things that you dont see in the horizon but may appear ever so suddenly that you dont have the time to breathe. you jump in for the ride anyway and have the best time of your life, all without having a prior insight into what it is all about. it is a very humbling experience. most people who have been on the ride often recall not having imagine something like so. but i bet they do; they just dont want to admit it to the world publicly. thats ok. there are things we do in private that we would never do publicly. like one of the best pleasures in this planet - orgasms. unless you are a porn star, i doubt that you want to do so publicly.
it is whats inside that counts. and whatever is outside is mostly for appearances. they still count though. tell me what doesnt count these days.
this morning i was wondering about this thing called - what would i have done differently. and for once, the answer is many. i have always prided in being one of those individuals who regrets nothing as i think i have been giving my best in every situation. but this morning, i let my imagination run wild. the things that i would have done had those constraints not been there. it was a very liberating journey. to take comfort in the imagination. maybe right-brain exercises create more endorphins. i dont know.
i do know that it surely feels good. to dream. to have a dream and to live in pursue of your dreams. not someone else's dream that you have somehow managed to convince yourself as yours. maybe im too idealistic in this respect. but truth be told. i have not been wanting anything for quite sometime. yes, i have wondered if im depressed (im not). all these stereotypes and societal pressures dont get to me because i dont let them to. it is easy to slip to the other side. it is just nicer to stay on this side.
ah, the rollercoaster ride of life. i admit that i dont always make the best judgment and choices and there are times that my brain just fails me. maybe because im just too ... err... weird like that. i dont know. i let my heart do the thinking occassionally and it has been alright so far. together they make a great team. maybe this is what they mean by passion. plus this thing called serendipity - really, wow. wow. wow. wow. can you ask for anything better?
by having the abilities to take what may come. by being ready for the things that you dont see in the horizon but may appear ever so suddenly that you dont have the time to breathe. you jump in for the ride anyway and have the best time of your life, all without having a prior insight into what it is all about. it is a very humbling experience. most people who have been on the ride often recall not having imagine something like so. but i bet they do; they just dont want to admit it to the world publicly. thats ok. there are things we do in private that we would never do publicly. like one of the best pleasures in this planet - orgasms. unless you are a porn star, i doubt that you want to do so publicly.
it is whats inside that counts. and whatever is outside is mostly for appearances. they still count though. tell me what doesnt count these days.
Monday, August 10, 2009
random thoughts
im sitting here in my living room browsing the net for no reason. tv sucks tonight ever since desperate housewives and brother and sisters are no longer on air. i could have watched some dvds, but i havent dragged my lazy ass to the dvd store. i think there are some movies on my boy's hard drive, but i really dont know where it is. so here i go. sitting here. blogging.
recently, i have been a participant of online shopping. eh, i know i was in a shopping ban, but life is so not fun when im depriving myself off shopping. and besides, given that now i have space to store these things, it is fun to grow the collection again, given that it has not been growing for a few months now. the stuff i bought online has not arrived yet - and im getting impatient! but it is nice to have something to look forward to :D
just like i cant wait for november to come so that i can shop and travel. tee hee!
in the past coupls of years i have been living out of someone else's living room. now i can appreciate having my own space in which i can do anything i want. plus i can eat whatever i want and not have to conform to someone else's tastes. yes there are upsides, like no cooking but there is food. lately i have been cooking again and it has been good so far. in fact, it is getting more fun as time goes by. maybe it can be a hobby that i can master. hehe. unlikely it seems at this point in time. given that i cook with no recipe - and i cannot repeat the same dish twice. hey, the only way to cook is to cook without a recipe :)
heh, what an ironic for a typical planner who loves to plan every little thing. spontaneity can be useful i guess. so only plan when necessary!
recently, i have been a participant of online shopping. eh, i know i was in a shopping ban, but life is so not fun when im depriving myself off shopping. and besides, given that now i have space to store these things, it is fun to grow the collection again, given that it has not been growing for a few months now. the stuff i bought online has not arrived yet - and im getting impatient! but it is nice to have something to look forward to :D
just like i cant wait for november to come so that i can shop and travel. tee hee!
in the past coupls of years i have been living out of someone else's living room. now i can appreciate having my own space in which i can do anything i want. plus i can eat whatever i want and not have to conform to someone else's tastes. yes there are upsides, like no cooking but there is food. lately i have been cooking again and it has been good so far. in fact, it is getting more fun as time goes by. maybe it can be a hobby that i can master. hehe. unlikely it seems at this point in time. given that i cook with no recipe - and i cannot repeat the same dish twice. hey, the only way to cook is to cook without a recipe :)
heh, what an ironic for a typical planner who loves to plan every little thing. spontaneity can be useful i guess. so only plan when necessary!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
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