the changeover?

ok, so i admit - i sorta forget about this blog. i have forgotten it for like err... 3 months or more. i got busy with life and then writing here became something difficult to do.

major shit happened in the past few months. but im not going to write about them because they are depressing =(

the year is coming to an end in a few days - five to be exact. a few weeks ago, i got to be on the annoying side of late twenties. yesterday, i got the best xmas present ever - well, the best considering the circumstances, courtesy of my boy. it is nice to be loved like that.

speaking about xmas, this year i got so many presents! wiiiii!!!!!

all in all, this year has been a great year. granted it is not all that fabulous where everything goes according to plan. it is great in the sense that it brings me closer to this thing i call humanity, humility, modesty. and that happiness are often found in the simplest things in life. that after a certain threshold has been passed, the marginal utility of having more money starts to level out - or even decrease; such that living is really not about having money only.

yet it is sad that some people still equate success with money - as in the more money you have, the more successful you are. im not saying that this is not true, im saying that it is very possible that you are happy even in the absence of a shitload of money; that perhaps, having a lot of money is not the only way to define success.

what makes a person your bestfriend. when that person is willing to put up with your shit. when that person has a tolerance level way higher than the average friend. which consequently mean you tend to take that person for granted. i have always said that i only have one best friend in this life. maybe i am wrong, for i have more than one. and i hate hate hate to cause inconvenience in their lives. yet they are all so accomodating that i feel like crying because im so happy. yes, i have become more mellow as i get older.

i learn so much thing in the past two years about friendship. i learn who is not my friend. i learn who is my friend. i learn who is my best friend. the latter is something i never expected, but it was a true icing on the cake. life really has its ways to make certain things more interesting for you. the things that i thought would never change actually change. and when they happen to a person whom you hold oh so dear to your heart, how do you even begin to share your thoughts.

by mending the broken communication held by sticky tape. by telling her the things that you think she does not need to know. im not sure which part is more annoying - the bit where other people decide for me what is important and what is not important, or the bit where information was deliberately witheld from me. i guess you dont know me that well. or maybe you changed. or both. im heartbroken.

people change every single day - you are no exception. im slowly coming to a realisation that you are a stranger. that makes me think that we are not putting in enough effort into this whole thing. time is off the essense - as always. and it is difficult to have someone whom you put up on the pedestal as someone who behaves so badly it kills me.

how do i start. i dont. because i cease caring. and i can feel that this wedge is getting further and further apart.

and that, my friend, is the lesson we both must learn.